CSIRO Study Finds Mamee Noodle Seasoning Is Half Salt, Half Cocaine

mamee noodle salt and coke perfect flavour combination

After receiving reports of kids getting hyper aggressive after morning tea from various schools, the CSIRO has placed their focus on studying the popular children’s snack, Mamee noodles.

Mamee Noodles is a kids snack, sold in canteens of primary and high schools. Each packet of Mamee contains a slab of dried noodles that are ready to eat, and a flavour sachet that is emptied into the packet to season the noodles.

“The little kids are like Pablo Escobar on those packets” quotes one teacher from Sydney’s Inner West, “they just chow it down”.

Chief Chemist of the CSIRO, Nathan Caramelitis had the following insights to share for why they spent taxpayers money on the experiment.

“Everyone knows Mamee salt is tasty as hell. There’s a reason why kids eat the flavour sachet on its own. Some stupid kids even snort that shit. Reading the nutritional information is a fool’s errand, parents need to know the truth.”

After the study was conducted, Nathan informed The Native that the results were controversial. The finding could divide the science community and put the kids snacks industry on its head, similar to what the strawberry industry is currently facing.

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“We had our suspicions, so we took it to the high tech lab. It’s classic 50% Monosodium Glutamate (MSG) and 50% methyl (1R,2R,3S,5S)-3- (benzoyloxy)-8-methyl-8-azabicyclo[3.2.1] octane-2-carboxylate (Cocaine), same shit they put on Pringles and your favourite Pho.”

“It makes so much sense, the way the seasoning touches your tongue. The noodles are there to give your jaws something to crush constantly during the experience. Similar situations of excessive jaw action are prominent at festivals around the globe.”

More spicy empirical analysis’ of your favourite foods to come.

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Martin is the Chief Strategist at The YAP Native. Pressured to study medicine by his parents, he defaulted to commerce and found his calling sucking the corporate teet of the finance sector. You can catch him 'flexing' with a Single Malt Scotch Whisky at various upper class watering holes in Sydney CBD on Fridays.